


How not to be an idiot about your feelings

by Tiili97



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: College AU, Human AU, Insomnia, M/M, Minion references, rated teen and up bc no kid should see the true horrors of college, theater kid virgil, triple major logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 18:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16068842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiili97/pseuds/Tiili97
Summary: Logan kisses Virgil. Trouble is, he doesn't remember it the next day. What drama will unfold?Very little, actually, because they're both goddamn adults who talk about their feelings.





	How not to be an idiot about your feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Right so my girlfriend read and liveblogged a fic in which person A kisses person B and then doesn't remember it the day after, while person B is more and more confused. It all devolves into an angstfest of epic proportions, just bc these two couldn't communicate their dang feelings.   
> Clearly, this wasn't going to stand, so I wrote a new version but with Sanders Sides. Featuring: triple-major Logan and his unhealthy study habits, theater kid Virgil and his even unhealthier study habits, Patton making sure everyone eats enough, Roman being mainly worried about his solo, and also me living vicariously through Virgil bc I miss being backstage.

Logan had not slept for three days. Well, technically he had been awake for 41.2 hours, but the only rest before then had been him falling asleep on his bike and almost crashing into a palm tree so he was certain it didn’t count.

He shook his head. That wasn’t the point. The point was that he had been awake for three days, but his final in technical engineering was in two days so clearly, having already passed the halfway mark, he might as well stay up for the rest of it and study. 

Logan tried to explain this to Virgil, his study partner for the evening, but judging by the eyebrows he was not impressed.

“Logan, you’re always the one preaching about steady sleep schedules to the rest of us. Like two weeks ago you gave me a whole-ass powerpoint presentation on how a consistent sleep schedule would decrease my anxiety,” Virgil sighed. Logan nodded slowly, not quite following. 

“it was a good presentation,” he tried to defend himself, but the words twisted as they left his mouth, leaving him sounding like he’d emptied a bottle of frathouse vodka by himself. Logan frowned. Why had his words turned against him? 

Virgil shook his head.

“Look, I’m not gonna try and drag you to bed, but if I should sleep, then why shouldn’t you?” 

Logan suddenly remembered that Virgil had a tech rehearsal tomorrow. What was he doing up?

“You should sleep, Virgil, it’s late,” he said, putting his hand on Virgil’s shoulder with an expression of utmost seriousness. Virgil breathed out a laugh and plucked Logan’s hand from his shoulder, holding on to it for a moment while he thought.

“How about this. If you go to sleep, I’ll go to sleep. Sounds fair?” Logan looked down at his desk, the usual order upset by many hours of intense studying. Virgil’s argument seemed fair - since they were roommates, it wasn’t like Virgil could sleep if Logan stayed up. He nodded and tried to push himself up to standing, forgetting for a moment that Virgil still had a hold on his hand. The tug sent him sitting back down with force and Virgil couldn’t hold in a proper laugh this time, letting go of Logan’s hand to hide his mouth as he giggled. Honest-to-god giggled. The sound made something in Logan’s stomach flutter. He just sat there, a bemused smile on his face, and enjoyed the sound before it quickly tapered off and Virgil was breathing calmly again.    
“Well then, goodnight,” he mumbled, standing up to go right to bed - already dressed in sleep clothes, as he had been for the last hour. (It was a horrible, horrible set of minion pajamas that Roman had given him as joke and Virgil had taken to wearing solely out of spite.) 

Logan also got up, more careful this time, before heading to the bathroom. 

It was all just so - so normal, so much like any other night staying up late studying and watching conspiracy theories, that simply reaching out for Virgil’s hand took no effort at all. No thought went into the simple gesture of tugging gently to turn him back around, no logical choice backed Logan as he leant forward, eyes half-lidded, and planted his lips on Virgil in a short, chaste kiss before letting go off him just as serenely, muttering a “goodnight” as he wandered off to his room. He didn’t see Virgil staring after him, mouth open in shock - he simply pulled off his tie, unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, and collapsed on the bed. 

 

Logan dreamed of colors and warmth and the smell of chamomile. When he awoke, he remembered none of it.

 

Virgil was gone when Logan’s alarm blared at 7 am sharp. He didn’t show himself as Logan stumbled out of bed, groaning all the way into the shower. No smug laughter echoed through the walls when Logan awoke with a shriek at the freezing cold water in the dorm room shower.

There was, however, hot coffee waiting for him when he finally dragged himself out, so Logan could forgive him. In fact, he immediately forgot about the fact when he realized it was 7:20 and his first class of the day was starting in ten minutes, in a classroom all the way across campus. Logan swore, chugged the coffee, swore some more at the bitter taste of it, and was out the door before he could lend a thought to the fact that Virgil had never in the history of their friendship woken up before him.

 

Logan spent the rest of the day and the following night in the library. He hadn’t - planned for it, exactly, but between his tech exam and his lab final and the surprise essay his Advanced English Lit teacher had sprung on them (A day before finals, that ought to be  _ illegal _ , Logan was bringing this up to the faculty board at the next opportunity) there was just no time for such petty distractions as rest. He had promised himself a full night’s sleep before the day of all his three finals, but until then… 

 

Of course, there was no way his friends would leave him to his studies. 

 

Patton showed up in the evening the first day, bringing food and news as he distracted Logan from his work enough that he could actually feel hunger. Part of Logan was annoyed, but that was the part of him that would gladly go on reading for days until he collapsed. Patton insisted he shouldn’t listen to that voice, and the puppy eyes were hard to argue with. So he ate the pasta he was absolutely not supposed to eat in the library, listened as Patton groaned about the essay he had due in for child psychology, and even responded with hums of interest when Patton started in on a lengthy spiel about the dog he had seen on the way over. 

But Patton left eventually, once essay stress could no longer be denied, and Logan returned into the haze. 

He must have been kicked out sometime around 4 am, and he could vaguely remember returning home, showering, and then spending the few hours before the library opened again sitting outside on the campus lawn, noting down star positions with almost feverish glee.

 

A small part of him wondered why Virgil hadn’t joined him - the weak light under his roommate’s door was a clear indication that he was still awake. Watching the stars together had always been a favorite late-night activity for both of them, and Logan felt - No. Refusing to look deeper into his emotions, Logan hurried to the cafeteria for a healthy breakfast and then descended on the library again, coffee in hand. 

 

Studying pushed all other thoughts from his mind for another few hours, but once again, his friends were entirely too concerned with his well-being. 

 

Roman turned up around dinnertime, eyes bright and feverish as he pulled Logan from his chair and off to the library cafe where he proceeded to talk Logan’s ear off for a full hour over coffee and sandwiches. This was not an unusual occurrence - Logan effectively tuned him out for most of it as Roman ranted about set pieces and lines and chorus work and everything else that his professional make-believe left him anxious about. 

Logan didn’t get it. He would of course go and watch the show when it premiered tomorrow, right after his exam. He would spend most of confused and clapping whenever Patton did, and then go through the regular congratulatory nonsense as Roman performed flawlessly, as always. 

He didn’t get it, but it was important to his friends, so he would be there.

It wasn’t that Logan didn’t care for and support Roman, no. He was just incredibly loud, boisterous, and slightly manic in his energy. Especially the day before premiere, when all the actors had a day of enforced rest to prepare for the show. Logan was trying hard not to think about Virgil, who was definitely still at the theater, working on all the last details and rehearsing with the rest of the stagehands. That must have been why he hadn’t been able to join him last night. Yes. Definitely. Logan swallowed down the worry, pretended it wasn’t there, and focused back in on Roman’s rant about some solo he was having trouble with. He wasn’t missing Virgil. He wasn’t.

 

Finally, Logan managed to excuse himself and once again begin studying. Something prickled at the back of his mind, however. It took him rereading the same passage five times to finally put down his book and bury his head in his hands with a frustrated noise. He knew what it was. He just didn’t want to admit to himself that he would get no work done this way. Roman’s visit had only made it more obvious, no longer something he could ignore and shove into the back of his mind. 

 

He hadn’t heard from Virgil for over a day. 

 

Virgil wasn’t a very sociable person, but he would communicate. It was mostly through memes and one-word messages, when it wasn’t conspiracy theories in the middle of the night. But now… Logan picked up his phone to check. He hadn’t heard a word in almost 36 hours. He stared at his phone, worry beginning to gnaw at him while his worry about the test continued its steady rhythm of anxiety. What should he do? Was Virgil avoiding him? Studying? Rehearsing? In danger?

 

A million different possibilities began to form in Logan’s mind, latching on like leeches. He took a deep breath, and then another, forcing those thoughts and worries down. Virgil was fine. He was simply busy. No matter what Logan felt about that, or about Virgil in general, he would not act like some needy  _ child _ calling for attention. 

  
He set down the phone firmly and opened his book again, staring at the pages. It took a full thirty minutes before he realized he hadn’t understood a single word he just read, mind still too busy with images of Virgil.

 

Logan groaned and thudded his head down on the book. He glanced at the time. It was ten pm. Despite having gotten nothing done for the last few hours, his schedule compelled him to start packing up. He should go to sleep in order to have the maximum amount of energy for tomorrow.

 

This had absolutely nothing to do with Virgil with all likelihood being in their shared dorm room. Logan pushed down the excited flutter of his heart as he packed up, but could not stop himself from walking slightly faster than normal as he headed back to the dorm.

 

The caffeine was slowly losing its effect and on a whim, Logan stopped by the night-open coffee shop to pick up coffee for himself, and after some slight hesitation, Virgil. With regret, he asked for decaf for himself - he did need to sleep sometime tonight. Knowing Virgil, there was no chance he would be able to sleep the night before a test.  That is where they differed most - although Logan would have liked to study more (he always wanted to study more) he felt safe enough in his own knowledge to let it go for the last night. Virgil was… not as confident, although Logan knew that there was no cause for this. Well, no cause except an anxiety disorder, which was cause enough. Either way, Virgil was going to need some coffee in order to make it through the night and next day without becoming a zombie. 

 

Finally arriving at the dorm, Logan knocked three times on the door, clear and precise, before entering. It was something he and Virgil has established long ago - neither liked being surprised while studying or listening to music, and both were heavy enough sleepers not to be bothered by it. That is what Virgil had insisted on at the time, at least. By now, Logan knew him well enough to know that he simply valued knowing he was home more than a full night’s sleep. 

 

The small living area was empty, the kitchenette and table-turned-workdesk showing no signs of use. Logan put his bag on the table and knocked three times on Virgil’s door. As expected, he could hear music from inside.

“Virgil? I brought coffee.”

Within a few moments footsteps could be heard, and the door opened. Logan went to offer Virgil one of the coffees but stopped short, blinking at what he saw in front of him.

Virgil looked like a mess. His hair looked like someone had sprayed purple paint onto a bird’s nest, eyes circled with black and wrapped in a duvet that almost swallowed him whole. And - oh, that lost look on his face. Logan swallowed the swell of emotions in his chest, pushed down the urge to wrap him up in a hug. Virgil rarely looked so… vulnerable. It was a herculean effort to hold only his hand out, offering the coffee both as a shield and a gift.

“Virgil, have you slept at all in the last few days?” Logan felt compelled to ask as he handed over the coffee, watching with bemusement as Virgil cradled it in his hands. 

“Nope,” He got out, voice scratchy from disuse but without his usual bite. It must have been a while since he had coffee, Logan thought with bemusement, if he was acting this unguarded on so little sleep. It was infuriatingly endearing.

“Thanks for the coffee,” Virgil hummed, looking up at him with a soft smile. A smile that got closer - and - 

Logan froze as Virgil’s lips made contact with his, a chaste kiss with barely any pressure behind it. Just as soft and sweet as its giver as he leaned back, seemingly oblivious to what he had just done. 

That lasted for about 0.7 seconds before Virgil’s eyes grew wide and his entire body locked up in panic. He showed the door shut, almost slamming it right into Logan’s nose as he had unconsciously leaned forward to chase after - what?

 

Logan couldn’t quite think of the answer. He was entirely too busy remembering - remembering exactly what had went down two nights ago. The banter. The soft, grey light of dawn.  _ The kiss. _

 

Logan couldn’t remember how he got to the bathroom, but when he turned on the bright fluorescent light it was as if every consequence and implication of what had just transpired hit him across the skull with a baseball bat.

 

And then Logan, for lack of a more accurate term, freaked the fuck out. 

 

For a moment he considered just climbing out the tiny bathroom window and never returning to his dorm room again. He could sleep in the library, it would be fine. But as the window was both sealed, locked, and entirely too small to fit him, he had no choice but to stay. Oh stars. 

Logan rubbed at his eyes under his glasses. He didn’t have  _ time _ for this, damnit. They had exams tomorrow. He needed to  _ sleep _ . There was barely enough fight left in him to get him to his room - even the thought of trying to navigate whatever this was with an equally tired and probably freaking out Virgil almost made him want to cry. 

He froze. Virgil was probably freaking out right now. 

Fuck.

 

Logan stumbled out from the bathroom and hurried back to Virgil’s door, barely pausing in front of it.

“Virgil? are you listening?” Nothing. If he strained himself, Logan thought he could hear the sound of fast, uneven breathing over the music.

“Virgil, if you can hear me, knock once on the wall,” he instructed, struggling to keep his voice calm. 

A few seconds passed before Logan could hear two knocks, weak but definitely there. He breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Do you want me to come inside? once for yes, twice for no,” he continued. 

Another pause, and a single knock. Logan opened the door not even a second later and stepped over to the bed. Virgil was curled up in a ball, shaking visible even through the duvet he had covered himself with. His breathing was uneven and ragged and Logan immediately began counting out breaths as he tried to catch Virgil’s flickering gaze. He kneeled down  beside the bed, resting his hands on the duvet where he thoughts Virgil’s shoulders were. They had done this many times before - a few times even with Logan being the accidental instigator of the panic, like now. The cutting pain inside him at having hurt one of his favorite people had to be pushed aside to make sure Virgil was ok. 

“Deep breaths, Virgil, try again,” He murmured as Virgil lost count and began breathing quickly again. “Come on now. We’re ok. I am and always will remain at your side,” he continued, blushing slightly at his words but  _ knowing  _ they were what Virgil needed to hear. He needed to know that what he had done hadn’t permanently damaged something between them. 

 

And maybe, just maybe, Logan needed to reassure himself too. Needed to reassure himself that his actions wouldn’t fuck up what they had irreparably. He looked at the shaking boy under his hands and swallowed back the heavy feeling in his throat. They would be  _ fine _ . He hadn’t messed them up with an impulse he barely even remembered. Every single one of the fears he had used to push down his feelings hadn’t come true, and he wouldn’t let this destroy them. He  _ wouldn’t. _

 

Several minutes later Virgil’s breath had evened out and Logan had taken to humming an old lullaby about stars and wanderers. The silence settled for a while before Virgil took a deep breath.

“We will have to talk about it, you know,” He said, voice still trembling a little bit, and Logan was suddenly filled with fierce pride. Virgil was scared, just as terrified as Logan was at the prospect of the cliff they now stood in front off. But unlike Logan he had pushed on and taken that step, trusting in their friendship as he caught Logan’s eye for a second.

Because Logan was scared. He - He liked Virgil. They were uncomplicated. Quietly coexisting. Perfectly adapted to each other. Being around Virgil was like breathing and Logan was terrified of it, terrified of the depths that came with normalcy, with the casual intimacy that came with shared dishes and late-night study sessions and sorting each other’s socks. He didn’t know what to do with it; he didn’t know what he would do without it.

But if Virgil was being brave, then so should he.

“Yes, we should,” he admitted. “But not… right now, maybe?” He chuckled slightly and rubbed at his eyes. “Neither of us has slept well and tomorrow is. A lot. We are not in an ideal position to negotiate a new relationship. Can’t we just…” he faltered and looked at Virgil imploringly. 

Virgil sighed and wiggled deeper into his blanket pile. 

“How about this. We agree that this was… nice or whatever,” he mumbled, and Logan could swear he saw a blush. “And then we’ll leave the proper talk til after all this shit has blown over. Sounds good?” He looked up and met Logan’s eyes through his bangs and before Logan could stop himself he reached forward and tucked them behind his ear, slowly and softly. Once he realized what he was doing he snatched his hand back and straightened his tie, looking off to the side with embarrassment.

“Yes, that will be satisfactory. I should. Go.” He stuttered out and got up with a start, almost crashing against the doorframe as his left leg had fallen asleep. Virgil chuckled slightly behind him, and Logan couldn’t deny the soft smile that spread on his face at the sound. 

“Goodnight, Virgil.”

“Goodnight, Logan.”

 

_ “And happy ever after! I wish!” _

the cast bowed to roaring applause, Roman with his arm around his co-player Valerie and smiling like the sun itself. The applause continued through the thank-yous, Roman grabbing a mic and guiding the audience to cheer for the orchestra, the light riggers, the sound people, and finally, the techies. 

Logan’s hands were hurting from applauding, but he still put a little extra force in them as Roman yelled out a special thank you to “his best bud Virgil!” With force enough that Logan was quite certain he didn’t actually need the microphone.

The moment the applause and gift-giving had tapered off and people began milling about the stage, Logan made a beeline towards the backstage entrance. Of course, he was stopped by Roman, cheeks rosy and entire body jittering with excitement.

“Logan did you see? we did amazing! everyone were so good and I nailed my solo finally and -” Logan interrupted him, handing over the traditional bouquet of roses.

“You did fantastic, Roman. Have you seen Virgil?” 

Roman looked deeply offended at having been interrupted, but before he could respond, an annoyed shout cut through the post-show chatters.

“Microphones 3, 4 and 16 are still missing people, get back and get debugged so we can pack up! Princey you know that’s you and when I find you - “

Virgil’s voice was crisp and loud. Roman actually paled a bit. 

“Don’t think I’ll forget this, Ass-trophysicist,” Roman hissed before making a quick getaway as Virgil made his way through the crowds that parted for him in what Logan assumed was fear and awe.

 

Logan had never watched any of Virgil’s tech rehearsals and as he watched him walk across the stage, purpose in his step and checklist in hand, he realized what a mistake that had been. Virgil was… determined. Decisive. In charge.

Kind of  _ really hot _ .

Logan cleared his throat and stepped up to tap him on the shoulder. Virgil whirled around, face neutral until he realized it was him. Logan had the privilege of watching Virgil’s stiff shoulders relax just a fraction, smile soft and eyes warm even as his fingers tapped on the board in his hands.

“Logan. You came.” Virgil’s words were quiet, a little bit rushed. “Look, I’ve got to fix some stuff, the golden shoe is still missing and Princey is probably still running around in costume - “

“Of course, I will let you get back to work. I just - “ Logan faltered, words lost to him, and he held out a small bouquet in green and purple, tiny heather and lavender flowers wrapped around it.

“I heard it is customary to bring flowers, yes?” He held them out to Virgil.

Virgil was frozen for a few seconds before moving to hesitantly touch the flowers. 

“You - thank you, Logan, but I can’t - “ 

“I’ll hold on to them until you’re done?” Logan offered, understanding Virgil’s worry. Flowers weren’t very practical while trying to corral a bunch of excited theater kids, after all. Virgil nodded, relief clear in his eyes. He looked like he was about to say something when a loud crash was heard from backstage. Virgil closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. 

“I’ve got to go,” he said, already turning as he spoke. But - he hesitated. Paused. Looked around. 

Then he turned back and gave Logan a lightning-quick peck on the cheek, leaving him stunned and fumbling to keep a grip on his flowers as Virgil stormed off towards to racket, already yelling at whoever was responsible. 

Logan couldn’t have helped the besotted smile on his face if he tried.

 

They went home together, several hours later, when Virgil had finally hounded down Roman and relocated the shoe, somehow stuck in the rafters backstage.

 

Logan had needed to physically drag him out the last few steps, and once they were out, hadn’t bothered to let go. Virgil had turned his hand and intertwined their fingers, pointedly looking at his feet, as if daring Logan to comment. 

He didn’t, of course. But he couldn’t help the soft smile spreading on his face, either. The night sky was clear, the bugs loud and soothing, and they had a long, brilliant summer ahead of them. Logan squeezed Virgil’s hand, just slightly, and they walked on in silence.

 

When they finally arrived back at their dorm, Logan stopped before they could part into separate rooms. He turned to Virgil, taking hold of his other hand and bringing both of them to his lips to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“Breakfast date?” He breathed out, holding Virgil’s gaze firmly. Virgil managed to keep up the eye contact for a whole of three seconds before he looked away. He didn’t remove his hands, though.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he replied. Logan smiled.

  
  
  


In the dark of night, after however many hours of sleep deprivation, it had truly seemed that simple. But when Logan woke around noon, waking up without his alarm for the first time in a months, the cold light of day had cast a very different shadow. 

 

Logan wasn’t… panicking, exactly. But as he showered and got dressed, more and more issues, possible terrible outcomes, and misgivings started to gather in his thoughts until he realized he had tried to fix his tie for a solid fifteen minutes without success.

 

This was ridiculous. Ignoring the little voices in his head yelling at him to stop, Logan did the only logical thing, what he always did when he was having trouble with anxious emotions: he stepped out of his room and knocked on Virgil’s door. 

It took a moment before it opened, but not nearly long enough for Virgil to have been woken up by it. Virgil looked… Logan hesitated to use the word “adorable”, but it was the only one his mind supplied. He was still wearing his sleep-hoodie, make-up not yet on, Virgil looked rumpled and homely and stars, Logan was smitten..

“Oh, um, already?” Virgil interrupted his musings, wringing his hands as he didn’t look at Logan. “I’m not… I’ll be ready in just a sec?” 

“No hurry, Virgil,” Logan immediately soothed. “ I’ll wait for you out in the kitchen.” Virgil shot him a grateful look. Logan knew Virgil saw his morning rituals as holy - Logan was the only person who had seen him like this. Logan was the only one Virgil was comfortable enough to let him see him like that. 

  
The thought eased something in his chest, and he found he had no problem fixing his tie in the hallway mirror as he waited for Virgil to join him.

 

The walk to their regular coffee shop was… awkward. The easy softness of the previous night was gone. The small talk was stilted, and soon tapered off into silence. There was a notable distance between them - as they walked, as they ordered their breakfast, as they sat down, on opposite sides of the table. 

 

The silence stretched as they ate, both blushing as soon as they accidentally made eye contact.Logan’s stomach felt like a big, tight knot. Had he messed up? had he interpreted this all wrong? But yesterday… Everything had been so good.

 

“Logan?” The soft question ripped Logan out of his thoughts, once again. Virgil was looking at him with a hint of worry in his eyes. “Logan, you’ve been squeezing that syrup bottle for five minutes. I think it’s empty.” Logan blinked and looked down to see that indeed, despite the syrup bottle having been upside down for however long he’d been spaced out for, his pancakes were still syrup-less.

 

Fantastic. As if this morning wasn’t awkward enough as it was.

“Sorry,” he replied, putting the bottle down. “I’m just… spacing out.” 

 

“That’s okay,” Virgil said, looking away. “Take your time. We don’t have to… rush anything.” 

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. Virgil was always trying to comfort him, giving him time to sort through his emotions. 

 

That’s what they were here for, wasn’t it? for Logan to finally own up to the fact that yes, he had emotions, and they all got very fluttery and excited when he looked at the way Virgil fiddled with his hoodie as he pushed around his waffles to soak up the last of the chocolate sauce. He had tried to hide it, for a long time - but Virgil had managed to get him to open up, even if it was in a way neither of them had expected. As always. 

The secret was already out. All Logan had to do was accept that there was no going back and accept that when the heart wanted change, he just had to go with it. 

 

“I like you, Virgil. Romantically,” He said, testing out the words. Virgil almost choked on his waffle.

“Geez, warn a guy,” he wheezed out, face going red. Logan tilted his head, confused.

“What do you mean? I think I had already made that pretty clear yesterday. And the day before that, although it took some time for me to remember.” He looked down, a thought suddenly appearing that made him feel a bit ashamed. “I’m sorry about that, by the way. I can only imagine it must have been quite a shock.”

 

“No worries,” Virgil replied, still hidden away in his hoodie. “I was more shocked when it happened a second time.” 

“Sorry for that, then,” Logan said, and Virgil shrugged, looking away.

“Well, I kind of started it.” They shared a brief smile, and Logan felt as if things were slowly falling into place. 

There was only one thing remaining. Possibly the most terrifying thing of them all. Logan took a deep breath.

“So… how do you feel about me, Virgil?” He asked, almost too soft to hear. He knew Virgil had heard it, though, because he only curled up tighter.

“Can’t it just be like… an understood thing?” Virgil wasn’t looking at Logan. Again. Logan squeezed his hands into fists, took a breath, and relaxed them. It was okay. Virgil’s anxiety was probably feeding him with cognitive distortions. The only thing Logan could do was put himself out there, show Virgil he was here for him.   
“Virgil, please.” He said, quietly, resting his hands palm-up on the table between them. “I – I don’t do well with uncertainty.” All the signs pointed towards Virgil feeling the same way as Logan, but his overactive mind would not - could not - accept anything less. Hints and circumstantial evidence was just not enough. 

 

Logan had never felt so vulnerable, but he trusted Virgil. He breathed out slowly, counting the seconds. Ten. Twenty. He kept his breathing steady, hands outstretched – however long Virgil needed, he would get. 

  
Finally, his patience was rewarded as Virgil’s hands slowly, oh so slowly, crept out of his pockets and over the table, resting softly, carefully, in Logan’s. 

  
“I – I don’t know when it started. It just – I didn’t even know it was a thing until three nights ago, Logan. But when I look back – there is so much. “ Virgil breathed out slowly, matching Logan’s tempo. 

“You calm me. Even when everything is falling to pieces in my head you’re just – there. No pressure. No judgement. Well – “ a laugh, short and sharp. “A little judgement, when I need it. Do you remember when I told you I needed you to knock before entering the dorm? People are usually pretty weirded out by that. They’re – confused, or annoyed, or they get this look of pity in their eyes –“ He sighed, smile soft. “But you, you just… listened to what I asked, listened to my reasons, and said “that makes sense.” Do you… do you understand what that meant, Logan?” He squeezed Logan’s finger, as if the emphasize the weight of what he’d said. 

“Nothing in my life makes sense. It’s all weird and unnecessarily convoluted but you just. Accepted it, immediately, without question. I can’t put into word what that meant to me. What it still means to me.” 

He shrugged. 

“Maybe it started there. I don’t know. But you – you kept doing that. You still do. You’re patient. You’re respectful. You’re logical, but not cruel. You’re so kind, Logan, you don’t realize how kind.” 

Virgil smiled, curling his fingers just a smidge tighter around Logan’s.   
“How could I not love you?”

  
Logan sat, staring, unable to think, to process what had just been said. Virgil squeezed his hands slightly.    
“Did I break you? Once for yes, twice for no.” Logan squeezed once, immediately, and the little laugh that Virgil let out broke down and rebuilt his entire world in one fell swoop.    
“May I kiss you?” He said, voice choked with emotions. Virgil’s eyes widened for a moment, and then turned softer than Logan had ever seen them before he leaned across the table and brought their lips together.   
  


Kisses truly were better when both parties were aware of them, Logan mused, before closing his eyes and forgetting everything about the outside world.


End file.
